Wilted

As I look outside into our garden, I can't help but notice the dark skies and the wilted flowers. The flowers were happily blooming a few weeks ago, but now they've lost all color and their stems are turned towards the ground. However, I know they'll bloom again in the spring. But for now-they're wilted.

I think people are like flowers. There are high points, and there are low points in each person's cycle of life. Like this weather, I haven't been able to explain myself lately. I find myself very wilted. There's been a lot of emotional turmoil lately, and I haven't been one to combat it very well at all. I have yet to understand how people could treat other people as objects. I also don't understand how people can throw other people away from their lives like it's nothing. There's nothing worse than feeling unwanted by someone who you trusted with even your own life. And there you have it, thus why I am wilted. I have become slightly unwanted, causing any walls that were previously built, to be completely crumbled. The cold, the wind, and the winter season has not only affected the flowers, but it has affected me.

Each person who enters my life, for whatever reason, fulfils a very important role. Whether it be entertainment, comfort, love, trust, wisdom, or company- each one matters. Others might say "hey, not everyone you lose is a loss", but for me, it sure feels like it for a while. Each person who's lost takes a piece of my crumbled heart with them. Then, they either pretend they aren't holding any of it, or they use every feeling I gave them to make me feel even more miserable in losing them. The latter consists of spilling my secrets, or carrying on our traditions with someone else. Which, in non-poetic speaking, basically sucks. It has me questioning if I don't understand people, or if I don't understand my God. I don't understand people because they are bullies. I don't understand them when they treat humans like objects. And I don't understand them when they're able to put their trust in a God who also claims to be MY savior too. And MY hope. Because if their God is taking care of them, then who's left to take care of me? I don't understand it. And maybe, just maybe, this is the part of my brain that is wilted speaking.

Maybe faith is believing that the sun will come back out again or that there will be some sort of justice shown to those who treat you badly. Maybe faith is the fact that I'm still living a healthy life.
Maybe faith is knowing that if I were to die right now, I'd be dancing with the King of Kings. I think faith is something that isn't based on any logic. (For example, I gotta have faith that I'll pass my finals.) But I also think that's why having faith in someone you can't see or touch is really difficult. During the wilted times, it's even harder to find Him in the darkness. But that's faith. There's a Savior in the darkness with his arms open wide, ready for me to run into. I am pursued by my Creator, and there's nothing better than that. I don't understand people, but I understand that my God loves me even when I'm wilted.


have a great week :)