The definition of the word fizzle is "to fail ignominiously after a good start", per dictionary.com.
I would argue that most of my teenage and college experience in the romance department could be summed up into that one word. The cycle goes as follows: I notice a guy, a guy notices me, we start to talk every single day, I say something wrong, the conversations get more spread out, & we eventually stop talking. It's almost as if on the outside, I appear to have it all together- but then I make a comment about something that breaks that image and I've lost the guy's attention. Or, I do something that doesn't fit the "perfect Christian" stereotype- and the guy is too shook by that to realize that I am a human being and we all have our stuff that's going on.
And you know what? That makes me extremely insecure. I feel like I'm now under this pressure to live up to a ridiculous standard- simply to meet a boy's expectation of who I'm supposed to be. To quote my favorite book, Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge,
(it's page 153-154 I believe- I don't necessarily know since my dog chewed the book up months ago)
"No man can tell you who you are as a woman. No man has the verdict on your soul. Only God can tell you who you are as a woman... Adam is a far too unreliable source, Amen!"
The reason I have that memorized is that it is completely true. I just fail to instill that into my daily life and walk with Jesus because of my own crippling insecurity that I am not good enough to meet a guy's unwritten, unattainable, standard for me.
Earlier this week, a good guy friend of mine asked me when the last time a guy did something nice for me was (like in a romantic way). I can name several sweet things guy friends have done for me, such as show up to my Ring Day, but I cannot name anything that a guy has done romantically for me in YEARS. I don't know if I owe it all to this fizzle effect that I've created for myself, the fact that sometimes I am A LOT and my baggage is heavy, or if physically I'm just not all that beautiful in the eyes of a man.
I'm thankful for a God who takes all of those reasons and says that His love is better than one from a guy who's just trying to figure himself out in college. Our God looks at us and says "You are not too much, your baggage is worth dying for on the cross, and you are fearfully and wonderfully made in my image"
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. -Psalm 139:13-16
God's love doesn't fizzle either. There's nothing that I can do to un-do the power of the cross. He came to save, rose from the grave, and now he stands victoriously.
Until next time,
Emma Jane
(also enjoy these CUTE photos from the Rainbow Vomit art exhibit in Dallas)
