About a year ago, I would have never believed that I am where I am right now. About a year ago, I was wrapped up in something that wasn't healthy for me at all, but I didn't care. About a year ago, I wasn't good with boundaries. I fell in love, wore my entire heart on my sleeve, and didn't care about the consequences one bit. Man, I'm glad that's over. It wasn't an easy task though- pulling my heart off of my sleeve. Being one of the most painful things i've had to do, I let what wasn't good for me go and pulled my heart back up to my chest where it belonged. For a year now, it's stayed there. Buried. All of the parts of myself that the one person knew about me, those are going to be buried with him in his grave, because I fear that nobody will see them again. I've become so good at setting emotional boundaries, that I don't know how to stop. They say that once you're hurt bad enough, you're changed into someone who stops showing who they truly are, but I don't think that's happened to me yet. I think I have become less of who I used to be, and that's okay. However, the inspiration for this post hit when my mom told me to make sure I can find the part of myself who is open again. She said to make sure I get passed surface level conversations with someone I'm remotely interested in. However, at this point, I don't know how. Last time I opened up, I got beyond hurt by it. There's a remarkable thing where balance is concerned, and I don't think I've found it yet. It's been all of me or none. Don't get me wrong, guys usually know what books I like or what I love to eat, but it's been about a year where someone has truly known who I am as a person. I don't know if that's a sad fact of the matter, or a positive thing to put hope in. Either way, it is what it is and I don't know what to expect for the future. God says to guard your heart...but to what extent? Is my heart guarded or closed?
Emma Jane
Gig 'em
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Such a Lovely Place #CALI
So this blog post is going to talk about a series of topics/ experiences from California and it might be a weird format. My apologies in advance.
Bookstores: During our travels, we ended up in a bookstore while waiting for my aunt to get off of work. There is something quite lovely about bookstores, and it's a hard thing to explain. When I walk into a bookstore, no matter where you are in the country, I automatically feel at home. There are so many stories surrounding me, and some of them I have read while some I have not. Actually, most of the stories I haven't read, but that's just a challenge to read more and go on more adventures with the characters. In this particular bookstore, there were three stories, because in California you have to build upwards instead of outwards. I was on the middle story and ventured down to the bottom one, searching for a poetry section. However, I was at a loss for anything that even resembled a poem. Luckily, I got a text that said "poetry is upstairs". My friend sending the text didn't mean the middle floor, she meant the top. Of course, the one place that I hadn't ventured to brought the one thing I wanted the most. It was quite beautiful. It was called the poetry room, with the entire room dedicated to the art of creating poems. I couldn't believe my eyeballs and didn't know where to start. I sat in the rocking chair provided that had "poet's chair" engraved onto it and I picked up some Emily Dickinson and began reading. It's amazing how in the hustle and bustle of San Francisco, there was peace inside an old bookshop's poet's chair.
Smells: So California brings lots of smells into the mixture of my atmosphere, but the most dominant is pot. Yes, I mentioned drugs on this blog. It was quite interesting to be having lunch in the park when an extreme gust of weed was blown into my nostrils and turned them sour. Anyways, other than that, the smells were typical ones for a city. This includes trees, dumpsters, food, people, and some more food. Man, can those people in California cook. I digress...
Bikers: I know you're probably expecting some sort of motorcycle story... but I don't have one. However, I wasn't aware of the number of people who ride bikes to get places. My Aunt and Uncle have bikes hanging on their wall so they're easily accessible. Also, I learned that the people who ride bikes seem to think that they're more important than those who are
A) Walking
B) driving a car.
However, once I became someone who rented a bike and rode it around Golden Gate Park, I learned that biking next to cars is actually pretty scary so I guess they have to fake some confidence like I had to. Or maybe they just have the confidence and it comes off in a wrong way. These California dudes don't play around on the bikes. I could have sworn we were in the speed-lympics. Maybe I'm just a slow biker. Here's some cute bike pictures and the ocean we saw on our journey btw :)
Self Expression: California is probably the place where you can reinvent yourself the most. I saw some really really cool people when I was there. There was blue hair, spiked hair, pink hair, a dog in a sparkly outfit, ripped open jeans, crop tops, and basically anything that you could think of that is usually "out of the ordinary"for my basic style. However y'all. I got over myself and wore skinny jeans with my Nikes and had a jacket tied around my waist. That weather is literally crazy. If you're in the sun, it's hot. If you're in the shade and the wind picks up, you're freezing.
Also, in the topic of self expression, this month is pride month. I noticed in California a lot more openly gay couples walking around and being more expressive than they are here in Texas. I try to tread on this subject lightly so I can avoid potentially offending anyone, but it was a different thing to see in my eyes. It didn't bother me whatsoever, but I feel as if it's more accepted in California as a way of life than in Texas where we have a church on every block preaching how against it they are. I don't talk about this subject on here, but I personally love pretty much everyone, regardless of their sexuality or whatever they partake in. At the end of the day, nobody is perfect.
Language: ...I'm not sure if anyone in Cali speaks fluent English. Man, just walking through the street, I heard so many different languages. It was really cool actually. I don't have much to say on this, other than it's a good place to move if you know more than one language or want to be dipped in culture.
Redwood Trees/ Stillness: One of the days, we ventured to see the Redwood trees at Muir Wood Monument. It was breathtaking. There's not a camera that's good enough to capture the true beauty of this park. We walked and walked...and walked. During this long walk (probably like 4 miles), I was truly inspired. Even though there were people everywhere, everything was so still. The trees brought so much peace to my troubled heart. It was truly phenomenal to be basking in God's handy work, and to see all of the little details that were put into each tree, and each flower. Also, one of the most amazing things about it was the fresh air. I know you're like "well duh, Emma, you were outside".
However, I was outside walking around the city or outside in the park, and this was different feeling air. This was crisp, still, and so fresh. Do you have those people in your life who stress you out and make you worry constantly but you still love them? (Hey, we all do. It's okay to admit this.) Well, being around those people is like what walking in the city is like- sort of chaotic but fun in an exhilarating sort of way. Now, do you have people who are totally easy to be around and feel like a breath of fresh air when you're around them? (We have these people in our lives too. You're still okay to answer "yes" here) Well, those people are like walking in the Redwood forest. It was so easy, and the fresh air refreshed my mood and my lungs. I loved it. Also, the gift shop was really great and I got a really cute hat that matched my girl Lyndsey's hat :)
Parallel Parking: I think I have to give up my dreams of living here though. Everyone in this town can parallel park like a pro. I have only done it once, and that was to pass my driving test two years ago. If you can't parallel park, you have a few options.
1) public transit
2) your bike
3) walking
That is it. I think if I were to live here, I'd religiously be on public transit and rely on it to take me everywhere. Although I rode a bike for a few hours, it couldn't ever be a main method of transportation. I hardly understand the gears.
Being Alive: I saved this topic for last, because it is the one that means the most to me. I was looking up quotes for a batch of pictures I was posting on Twitter , and I ran across one that said "go where you feel the most alive". I hadn't realized it before this, but California made me feel so alive. I don't know if it was because we were eating really good food, or doing really fun things ( like Alcatraz), but something in me felt free, open to be myself, and more lively in general. My smile grew bigger, my acne went away, and my legs got way more in shape. I'd like to thank Cali for reminding me of some of the things to live for. First of all, have you ever seen the Golden Gate Bridge??? It's got such a great view of the water and the city when you're standing on it. Also, have you ever ridden a ferry? They can be so relaxing after a long day. We also ventured to a cute little island town called Sausalito, and it had some really cute clothes shops and a good candy shop as well. Also, the pier 39 seals were so cute. They seem like they're too busy sunbathing to notice the flock of tourists that came to take their picture. At the end of the day, thank you California for giving me something to look forward to in the future. This was my first visit, but definitely not my last.
Much love,
Emma Jane
Also, here's some cute pics again!! :)
Thanks for reading :)
Check me out on twitter @ejane_12
Bookstores: During our travels, we ended up in a bookstore while waiting for my aunt to get off of work. There is something quite lovely about bookstores, and it's a hard thing to explain. When I walk into a bookstore, no matter where you are in the country, I automatically feel at home. There are so many stories surrounding me, and some of them I have read while some I have not. Actually, most of the stories I haven't read, but that's just a challenge to read more and go on more adventures with the characters. In this particular bookstore, there were three stories, because in California you have to build upwards instead of outwards. I was on the middle story and ventured down to the bottom one, searching for a poetry section. However, I was at a loss for anything that even resembled a poem. Luckily, I got a text that said "poetry is upstairs". My friend sending the text didn't mean the middle floor, she meant the top. Of course, the one place that I hadn't ventured to brought the one thing I wanted the most. It was quite beautiful. It was called the poetry room, with the entire room dedicated to the art of creating poems. I couldn't believe my eyeballs and didn't know where to start. I sat in the rocking chair provided that had "poet's chair" engraved onto it and I picked up some Emily Dickinson and began reading. It's amazing how in the hustle and bustle of San Francisco, there was peace inside an old bookshop's poet's chair.
 |
| (My chair) |
(here's ya girl overwhelmed by amazing poems & Pic by Lyndsey)
Smells: So California brings lots of smells into the mixture of my atmosphere, but the most dominant is pot. Yes, I mentioned drugs on this blog. It was quite interesting to be having lunch in the park when an extreme gust of weed was blown into my nostrils and turned them sour. Anyways, other than that, the smells were typical ones for a city. This includes trees, dumpsters, food, people, and some more food. Man, can those people in California cook. I digress...
Bikers: I know you're probably expecting some sort of motorcycle story... but I don't have one. However, I wasn't aware of the number of people who ride bikes to get places. My Aunt and Uncle have bikes hanging on their wall so they're easily accessible. Also, I learned that the people who ride bikes seem to think that they're more important than those who are
A) Walking
B) driving a car.
However, once I became someone who rented a bike and rode it around Golden Gate Park, I learned that biking next to cars is actually pretty scary so I guess they have to fake some confidence like I had to. Or maybe they just have the confidence and it comes off in a wrong way. These California dudes don't play around on the bikes. I could have sworn we were in the speed-lympics. Maybe I'm just a slow biker. Here's some cute bike pictures and the ocean we saw on our journey btw :)
 |
| (Don't worry, the bikes were stopped while I took this) |
 |
| (sand was blowing in our eyeballs so we didn't stay long...just enough for this cute pic) |
Also, in the topic of self expression, this month is pride month. I noticed in California a lot more openly gay couples walking around and being more expressive than they are here in Texas. I try to tread on this subject lightly so I can avoid potentially offending anyone, but it was a different thing to see in my eyes. It didn't bother me whatsoever, but I feel as if it's more accepted in California as a way of life than in Texas where we have a church on every block preaching how against it they are. I don't talk about this subject on here, but I personally love pretty much everyone, regardless of their sexuality or whatever they partake in. At the end of the day, nobody is perfect.
Language: ...I'm not sure if anyone in Cali speaks fluent English. Man, just walking through the street, I heard so many different languages. It was really cool actually. I don't have much to say on this, other than it's a good place to move if you know more than one language or want to be dipped in culture.
Redwood Trees/ Stillness: One of the days, we ventured to see the Redwood trees at Muir Wood Monument. It was breathtaking. There's not a camera that's good enough to capture the true beauty of this park. We walked and walked...and walked. During this long walk (probably like 4 miles), I was truly inspired. Even though there were people everywhere, everything was so still. The trees brought so much peace to my troubled heart. It was truly phenomenal to be basking in God's handy work, and to see all of the little details that were put into each tree, and each flower. Also, one of the most amazing things about it was the fresh air. I know you're like "well duh, Emma, you were outside".
However, I was outside walking around the city or outside in the park, and this was different feeling air. This was crisp, still, and so fresh. Do you have those people in your life who stress you out and make you worry constantly but you still love them? (Hey, we all do. It's okay to admit this.) Well, being around those people is like what walking in the city is like- sort of chaotic but fun in an exhilarating sort of way. Now, do you have people who are totally easy to be around and feel like a breath of fresh air when you're around them? (We have these people in our lives too. You're still okay to answer "yes" here) Well, those people are like walking in the Redwood forest. It was so easy, and the fresh air refreshed my mood and my lungs. I loved it. Also, the gift shop was really great and I got a really cute hat that matched my girl Lyndsey's hat :)
 |
| Disclaimer: I'm not a photographer (just an aspiring writer) |
 |
| Can you see us? Two really tiny people compared to the trees? |
Parallel Parking: I think I have to give up my dreams of living here though. Everyone in this town can parallel park like a pro. I have only done it once, and that was to pass my driving test two years ago. If you can't parallel park, you have a few options.
1) public transit
2) your bike
3) walking
That is it. I think if I were to live here, I'd religiously be on public transit and rely on it to take me everywhere. Although I rode a bike for a few hours, it couldn't ever be a main method of transportation. I hardly understand the gears.
Being Alive: I saved this topic for last, because it is the one that means the most to me. I was looking up quotes for a batch of pictures I was posting on Twitter , and I ran across one that said "go where you feel the most alive". I hadn't realized it before this, but California made me feel so alive. I don't know if it was because we were eating really good food, or doing really fun things ( like Alcatraz), but something in me felt free, open to be myself, and more lively in general. My smile grew bigger, my acne went away, and my legs got way more in shape. I'd like to thank Cali for reminding me of some of the things to live for. First of all, have you ever seen the Golden Gate Bridge??? It's got such a great view of the water and the city when you're standing on it. Also, have you ever ridden a ferry? They can be so relaxing after a long day. We also ventured to a cute little island town called Sausalito, and it had some really cute clothes shops and a good candy shop as well. Also, the pier 39 seals were so cute. They seem like they're too busy sunbathing to notice the flock of tourists that came to take their picture. At the end of the day, thank you California for giving me something to look forward to in the future. This was my first visit, but definitely not my last.
Much love,
Emma Jane
Also, here's some cute pics again!! :)
 |
| First day in town and we saw a gorgeous view :) |
 |
| We didn't buy anything here but it had a cute display :) |
 |
| Okay but this view |
 |
| Yay for palm trees! |
 |
| The seals!! Plus, the lighthouse was cute. |
 |
| Water plus skyline equals a pretty picture of a pretty state |
 |
| Palm trees...sunsets... what more could you want? |
 |
| Cali trees are so pretty |
 |
| Okay but I LOVED this lane in Sausalito |
 |
| Lyndsey: "Hey I love this wall! Let's selfie!" |
Thanks for reading :)
Check me out on twitter @ejane_12
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