Nostalgia

Back in Cisco, I remember having many moments that I spent washing the dishes. When faced with the task alone, I was reluctant to do them. However, I remember when our youth group was trying to make enough money through fundraiser meals during lent and advent to make it to Camp Lone Star. We served meals on wednesday nights to the people in the church, with a general donation box sitting right next to the plates. After the meal, it was our job to clean up. And with the clean up, included doing the dishes. In the church kitchen, standing closely next to the sink, was a girl who had bright eyes, a great personality, a beautiful smile, and happened to be one of my best friends since the 5th grade. Next to me on the other side of the sink  stood a tall, curly-haired, goofy, boy who never failed to make me smile.  The three of us, lined up like chickens, would wash the dishes. One of us would scrub the gross dishes, one would rinse, and one of us would dry them. Occasionally my little brother would pop in, or maybe I simply don't remember him being there (sorry Alex!). This became a routine, and these people brought joy to my face every single week, even when I didn't feel like it all.

Tonight, I was washing the dishes by hand (thanks, broken dishwasher) and I couldn't help to dwell on one of the sweetest memories from my past. Today I also finished watching The Office, and I realized something. Life is very short, and I didn't take advantage of those small moments. If I had someone recording my life for the passed 10 years, there are probably so many times where I would scream at myself for not loving the moments where we were scrubbing dishes, or all the times I was a less than wonderful friend to the people who stood right next to me while doing them.

I can remember another incidence in the kitchen where the church had been hosting a New Years Eve party, and for some reason, I was not happy. I had gotten upset, so I ran off to the kitchen, and leaned my head against the cabinets underneath the sink- a place where I had spent a good amount of time working. My two friends followed me in there, cheered me up, and I remember taking a selfie to commemorate the moment. I even just spent the last 15 minutes stalking myself on Instagram to try to locate this selfie, but I could not find it sadly. I would have shown you guys, just for the fun of it.

Anyways, life gets crazy, and it's wild how doing the dishes by yourself at midnight makes you miss doing the dishes with the two people who have never left your side. I'm so blessed to have both of them in my life. I hope everyone finds those people who automatically put a smile on your face.


With much love and nostalgia,

Emma Jane

P.S I've started to read "single. dating. engaged. married" by Ben Stuart  & I'll probably let ya'll know what I think when I'm done reading it :)

Breakaway// Breaking Away

I stood up at Breakaway today. I stood. And before you ask what this means, know that it is important. And I was terrified and overjoyed. All at the same time.

Breakaway is an on-campus ministry that allows students to come together and worship Jesus together and receive a message that's given about Jesus. I vaguely knew about it before entering college, but now that I know about it- I can't stop going. It's something that renews my heart each week, getting to yell songs that worship our Lord. It happens weekly, and I've only missed a few of them, but I don't like it when I do.

Because it was the last breakaway of the semester, things ran a little differently today. First, the main speaker, T.A., asked anyone who had taken their first steps in their walk with Jesus this semester to stand up. Personally, I came into college having a relationship with Christ, so I stayed seated. Don't get too excited. I thought I was safe, until he said something that surprised me. We had just got done singing Reckless Love by Cory Asbury, which I had done very passionately and the guys next to me probably thought I was crazy because my hand was above my head and I was practically screaming the lyrics. T.A. then said to stand up if at some point during the semester you resonated with the song lyrics that go: "there's no mountain you won't climb up, shaddow you won't light up, coming after me. There's no wall you won't kick down, lie you won't tear down coming after me." Basically, he said to stand up if you came into the semester a little lost, God came after you, and you deepened your relationship with God because of it. Now, realizing how passionately I had sung that song, this is when I stood up.

It was extremely scary, because I was surrounded by an entire row of people that I knew, and I was scared that they might judge me. It sounds crazy admitting it now, but that was my initial thought. However, while TA was praying, and I was still standing, I realized something. This semester has been such a blessing. While it has been stressful beyond belief, it has also been something that God has had His hand in the entire time. Before coming into A&M, I had made a few bad choices in order to gain approval from literally anyone, and longed to deepen relationships that were ultimately toxic. I was pursuing bad friendships and fighting against God to keep them. Those choices made me into someone who was ultimately lost, and ignored the solution to the problem. This summer steered me into the right direction, but walking into this semester, I didn't know what to expect. God threw me into Bible Studies and hearing His Word at least 4 out of the 7 days in the week, and gave me a community of believers to help guide me on the path that He set out for me. Im thankful for Breakaway, and all of these people/ opportunities, because I've been able to break away from this desire to gain approval in ways that are harmful to my faith and my body. I still long for the approval of others, and I don't know if I will ever stop or if every human has that longing, but I've broken away from the hold that Satan has had in my life, trying to steer me off of the path that Christ obviously has mapped out.

So today, I stood up at Breakaway. And I am not ashamed.