My story isn't over yet

(Complements of Ashley Jewels) 

   

A few weeks ago I ordered this bracelet because I needed inspiration. Other than being a fantastic fashion accessory, it holds such a strong meaning to me. A semicolon is used when an author could've ended a sentence, but chose not to. Its symbolism is held within suicide, where a person could've ended their life, but chose not to.

I think a bracelet with such a strong meaning deserves at least sub-par explanation. So therefore maybe I should explain my background. I don't have much of one, but I guess I've moved around a tad. The last (and longest) place I stayed was in a little town. The average class size was about 60-70 students. Now, being such a small town, the people living there have to occupy their minds and free time; and what's better than sports? Apparently, nothing.

 For five entire years, it was drilled into my brain that if I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't important. Quite frankly, sports and me are not friends (for the most part). I really wish I could say differently, but that's the truth of the matter. So, can you imagine what it's like to be viewed as unimportant and not a contributor to society? It didn't matter that I was on the A honor roll, marched in the band, or was heavily involved in my church. I couldn't throw or dribble a ball, so who cared? Don't get me wrong, I played softball for 4 years, but that's because I liked it. I wasn't any good, but it was the one sport that I actually enjoyed to play. However, being on a team and sucking was almost like not being on a team at all. The people good at sports all had something in common and the rest of us, well, we just didn't fit into that little club. And let me tell you what, that has some more than damaging effects on a teenager who's growing up and trying to love herself.

However, being away from that town, I'm able to look at everything with a fresh pair of eyes. First of all, I learned that I'm not alone in this. THERE ARE PLENTY OF PEOPLE WHO AREN'T GREAT AT SPORTS AND IT'S OKAY TO BE ONE OF THEM !! I learned that I'm important, no matter what. I also have figured out that life is about who you love and who loves you. Right now, I'm surrounded by a group of friends who love me; and I'd take that over being able to dribble a ball any day.

I'm not trying to completely insult a town that gave me life-long friends though. That town brought me incredible friends that I definitely won't be forgetting anytime soon. However, the entire atmosphere was filled with some social poison. It takes getting away from it for a while to be able to see things clearly. And also, getting away showed me that I can keep going. I don't know what would've happened if I had stayed. More social brainwashing maybe? However, I am good enough. And one day, I will be good enough for someone. I'm not gonna blame a town for a mental illness, but I think it's important to realize that there are more important things in this beautiful life that God's given us.


Anyways,

have a good day/ week/ month :):)

Emma Jane

Why?

Well, today I got asked why I like to write. Or why I do this for "fun". To some people, it might baffle them because writing is the worst thing that they could ever seem to do. However, I have the same feeling towards cross country runners. I have some serious respect for them though, because I absolutely hate running. If you see me running, you should probably run too, because that means I'm being chased.

However, I write for me. It's one of the few things that I do strictly for myself. I feel like words are powerful. Each one holds some sort of meaning, and they have the ability to change the way that people see the world. I chose to express how I see humanity, on this website. I also write in several other places, documents, and notebooks- just for fun. Stories, poems, and monologues fill the pages, giving me a reason to feel like I matter. I write because I also feel like I'm good at it. I don't feel that way about a lot of things, but this, right here, ties into my worth. Whether you like it or not, I'm going to continue posting about random subjects, and sometimes they're personal and deep. But that's okay with me. I long for the people who know me to actually "know know" me as a person. I have more courage behind the laptop screen than I do in real life.

So maybe writing creates courage. Maybe it creates a place where I belong. Maybe something I write will inspire someone else to start writing down their thoughts as well. I'm not so certain about anything, but I know that this is what's kept me going throughout the last year, and I hope that anyone who reads this realizes the importance of finding some sort of outlet. I've grown to realize that things get better, one small step at a time.

Keep doing what you love, and what you feel like you're good at. People may question you, or try to tell you that it's insane, but don't listen to them.

I hope you've had a good day :)

Emma Jane