Ladies, do you ever have entire conversations in your mind play out with someone who doesn't even exist? Tonight I was imagining myself trying to explain my previous relationship history to someone new and I found myself reach the conclusion that in each situation, it was my fault for things happening the way that they did.
I guess we can start from the most recent to the least (in relevant relationships with other people).
Most recently, I had an entire ordeal with one of my best guy friends where I confessed how I was feeling. Did it end in true love? Obviously not. However, I caught myself saying "Well, it's MY fault for catching feelings and making our friendship weird." You know what? He led me on, whether it was intentional or not, for the entire duration of the summer and then the fall semester. Like, I can name several date-type situations with him. So catching feelings was a direct result of his actions.
Before that, I was sexually assaulted about a year ago. I've opened up about it with several people, and even on this blog. And you want to know something? I felt like it was my fault for a very long time. Through explaining this to a total imaginary stranger, I divulged into "Well, it was my fault because I let him kiss me" you know? "It was my fault for even being alone with a college-aged guy".
Let me tell you all something: it was not my fault for either one of those situations. I cannot sit here and blame myself for how I reacted to the actions of other people. In the first situation, there is no possible way that I wouldn't have caught feelings for my legit best guy friend once he started showing feigned interest.
The second situation has taken daily affirmations to convince me that it's not my fault. My good friend Josh said, "Just because you're alone with a guy, doesn't mean he has to assault you. Being alone with a guy does not equal assault."
And I have to remind myself of that daily. I've been alone with plenty of guys, and 99% of the time, I've been treated with respect. It's not the principle of the action, but the person performing it. And how I chose to react is also not my fault.
The first sentence when on the RAINN website is "Sexual assault can take many different forms, but one thing remains the same: it’s never the victim’s fault."
So, ladies. Just remember that somehow we have this innate desire to feel like what happens to us is suddenly our fault. Well, it's not. However, if you do something stupid, like shoot someone and go to jail...I cannot help you with my little mantra here. So, I'll re-phrase: what happens in relationships/ friendships where we are not to blame for either catching feelings or something more drastic, is not our fault.
Repeat after me: I CANNOT CONTROL WHAT SOMEONE ELSE DOES. I CAN ONLY CONTROL HOW I REACT. MY REACTION IS HOW I AM PROCESSING, AND I AM NOT AT FAULT FOR EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS.
ok ladies, that wasn't so difficult.
that's all for now!!
