Orange juice and haircuts

I'm not sure if its the orange juice, or the adrenaline that's enabling me to write in this state of exhaustion. However, I thought I would talk about today a little bit. Today I was blessed with another opportunity to serve the homeless people in our semi-local community. A few stories today really touched my heart.

As I stood behind a table, categorized as "ladies shirts", folding the mountain of clothes in front of me, a woman came up to me and she was wearing a knit hat for the winter time. It was a soft shade of purple, and I exclaimed that I had loved her hat. I saw her smile get wider than it already was and so she took off her hat and showed me her hair as well. She told me her story and showed off her new haircut, extremely proud of it. Honestly, she was a delight to be around. I think there's people out there who are terrified to come serve the homeless, but fail to realize that they're people that Jesus died for-just like us. Most of them smile, just to see you around.

Also, something struck me. Another woman was at the tables today looking for a pair of pants. Lots of people come to look for clothes that fit them, however, do you know what I heard on repeat today? "I'm trying to find another pair of pants because the ones I'm wearing are all I own" Can you even imagine only having one pair of pants to wear? I'm one of those people who own several pairs of jeans, yet still complain about having nothing to wear that day.

Lastly, I realized that we all have life fairly easy. Today, another woman was looking for long sleeved shirts. That seems pretty normal, because who doesn't love a good long-sleeved shirt, right? However, she informed me that it gets cold underneath the bridge where she sleeps. Ya'll. How many of us have a bed to sleep in every night? How many simple pleasures do we take for granted? Today, a woman needed feminine hygiene products. We weren't able to supply any, and that broke my heart as well. I just believe that God has always provided for us, and will continue to provide to our brothers and sisters in Christ who aren't as fortunate as us.

And, you may ask "well, what's this all doing to your heart?"  Today I have a decent answer.

Each month, we pray in and pray out of our time there. Usually the pray in is filled with my mental list of things that still need to get done before we open for business. The pray out is when my brain and heart slip out of "efficiency mode" and into "sentimental mode". I realized that I definitely want to expand this ministry through supplies to bring, and especially people. I don't think anyone really knows what these days ential until they experience them. I have so many friends who don't love Jesus, but maybe for a few hours, they could see Him at work. These people that come every single month aren't there for the pleasurable feeling or because it's easy; they're their to serve Jesus through serving others.  I'm honored to be included in such a wonderful ministry that does nothing but care for others. I felt a little lost in my purpose for this year, but by doing this- things have started to clarify. God's obviously holding up a sign that says "THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU" and I sure am glad He is. Sometimes we need a good reality check. And sometimes we need to give up our afternoons to get the message all soaked in, and to show Jesus to others through our actions.

Photo Creds

have a blessed day

Emma Jane

Growing Pains and Bad Gardening

This year I have done a lot of growing. I'm not talking about my height, because that has yet to change since the 8th grade. I'm talking about my sooouulllll. (Please say that in a long, drawn-out accent)

With this soul growing, almost as if planting a seed, it was not easy. But you might say, "isn't it easy to grow things?" Well, young readers, I grew like my mom tries to grow plants- slowly, painfully, and sometimes by wilting over and falling to my doom. (My dad is the real gardener in the family).

My seed was planted in my heart at Camp Lone Star, and the flower has only slowly started to grow from there. (However, I'm figuring out that I'm a rose. There are still plenty of thorns on my slowly growing flower.)

In order to nourish this seed that was planted, I had to make a lot of difficult decisions. And let me tell you what, (insert hand on hip) I did not want to follow through with any of the conclusions that were brought to me. Every single thing that I needed to do in order to grow and take care of myself was absolutely worse than ripping off a band-aid. It might as well been like ripping off a layer of skin. However, for my flower to even blossom, I knew I needed to push past everything holding me back from a relationship with my God. Also, ya girl needed to learn what self-loving really was. So often I depended on someone else to be my water and sunlight, that I forgot how to provide these things myself and ultimately through my God.

Non-believers might say, "but Emma, why cut someone out or get rid of the things that stood in the way of this 'God' " Well, if you're not gonna be loving my Jesus with me, just realize that self love is important too and self-validation is as well. (Jesus gives us all the power to love ourselves because we're loved by him.)

To elaborate, I think self-validation is being able to feel comfortable in your own skin and truly believe that you're important. I know that I'm important because my God died for me on a cross, and loves me even though I can't stop screwing up. I realize that I was created to be beautiful and loved by my Maker. And you should too! Ladies, you were created to be lovely. You were created to be protected and loved. Don't you ever let anyone deter your relationship with Christ, or diminish your self-worth. I depend on Christ for all my worth, but a big part of me has to believe in myself with a confidence given to me by Christ.

So yes, I grew this summer. I realized what an impact Christ truly has in my life, but I also discovered my self worth. I've come to the overwhelming conclusion that I'm tired. I'm tired of letting myself be disrespected as a woman, and be disrespected as a Child of God. I'm realizing my importance as both of those things daily, and that's the rose that's starting to bloom. My sooouuullll is being nourished because Christ is the one who planted the seed in the very dirt of Camp Lone Star.

If you read all the way to the end, thank you so much :)

Please have a wonderful day and realize that you're very important as a human

James 1:12

Emma Jane

Blessed to Shower

Feeding the homeless isn't something I'm forced to do for school nor something my parents tricked me into to get me out of the house. Being a part of a ministry that genuinely cares for those that they're serving makes my heart incredibly full. Today, a few things stood out to me.

First of all, when we say that we're going to be the "hands and feet of Jesus", do we really mean it? Today, one of our volunteers gave his shoes to a homeless man in need. Right off of his feet and everything. I honestly cannot imagine taking something off of my back and giving it to someone else. It's really easy to give away things that aren't needed in your closet, but what about the things that we deem that are?

Secondly, today was a little bit different. Instead of having the people stand in a line and be served, today we brought the food to them (in the rain). They had to sit down and be waited on by us, which I thought was truly amazing. They don't go into a ton of restaurants, so doing this was our little way of showing them that they should be held to a high respect.

Furthermore, as I was walking around the facility, I saw women come in with several children and my heart immediately began to ache. I brought them food and then one of the mothers asked for a to-go box. I was confused at first, but then she explained that she didn't want her children dropping their food on the way back to the shelter. Personally, we weren't super rich when I was a child because my dad was in school to become a pastor; however, no part of my childhood was spent in a shelter. God provided for us, as did my parents.

Lastly, before we left today, a ton of us had to use the restroom. However, at an outside park, the "restrooms" were port-a-potties. When I walked in to use it, there were unknown substances on the toilet seat (eeekkkk) and no toilet paper. A girl's worst nightmare. Also, I didn't even mention the smell. Oh, goodness, the smell. However, I put on my "big-girl pants" and I braved the small, rectangular, death-trap.

When I got home, I took a nice shower. However, this is what these people have to deal with on the daily, or worse. I'd never put myself in their shoes until that moment when I used the same commode as they had been using all day. But let's think about it. When I got home, I showered. How many of these people get to say that they  shower once a day? I actually showered twice today. Like how blessed are we? We have the OPTION to take as many showers as we want, yet they're deprived of that hygiene freedom.

Today's sermon was about having an "attitude of gratitude" and today I'm grateful for a few things. The first one is that I'm given this opportunity to serve others with a wonderful group of people, and the second is showers. I'm so grateful for every shower I get to take. We take too many things for granted, that being one of them. Also, lastly, I'm thankful for Jesus! Not only does he prepare my heart on these Sunday's, but he prepares my stomach. (we don't eat during this process so I had "lunch" around 6pm and "brunch" at 10:30am) The hands and feet of Jesus are clearly seen on these days, even if it was raining. I cannot wait to go back next month, hopefully with clothes to donate and homemade cookies to bring.

(Also, Carolyn Jimenez took/ edited this picture from today.)

Instagram: cmj_photography_

preparing the heart

Lately, I've felt compelled by the Holy Spirit. People always say "well, God told me to do this" which I think is bologna. However, I think being compelled to do something is entirely different. I hear no voices nor have visions. I only feel a pulling in my heart. Next week is another week that I'm blessed with the opportunity to feed the homeless, taking a ministry onto the streets.

It's so difficult to describe what happens on those Sundays. I can easily explain what happens physically, but emotionally, you're flipped upside down and your heart suddenly grows 30 times in size. You've gotta be prepared for this sudden growth though. Otherwise, it'll hit you like a truck. These people we serve don't have a lot of belongings, unlike us. It's heartbreaking, yet humbling, to see what they focus on. Their need to survive is so much greater than our longing for the new iphone 7 or the next new gadget we feast our eyes on. They have a few concerns: themselves, and what the next meal is going to be. Some of them have children to worry about as well. If you think having children is hard now, can you even imagine struggling to find a bed to sleep in every night for you and your child? I personally can't. This is one of the reasons why I have to spiritually prepare myself each time I'm blessed with this opportunity. A runner has to train before a race like I have to train my heart to love  deeper and wider.

I feel as though we're called in this ministry to love these people like Christ loves the church. (The same goes for marriage, but I'd like to take this simile and turn it into volunteering, if that's alright.) Christ LAID down his LIFE for the church and for us. We're called as servants to love like him. Would you lay down your life for a stranger on the street? Some of us wouldn't even lay down our lives for our best friends or family members.

I'm excited to see where each month takes me in my spiritual journey with our Savior because it helps me to realize that everything has a purpose. God didn't throw these people out on the streets and have all of the bad things happen to them for giggles, you know? He has a plan for every single one of them. He also has a plan for us. And if our plans and paths cross with theirs, I find that being even better. The path that I'm very grateful for is Carolyn's crossing mine, inviting me to the ministry that's changed my view on the world and humanity itself. Our Lord is powerful. "He's got the whole world in His hands. He's got you and me brother in His hands. He's got you and me sister in His hands."  If that's true, what are you worrying about? Give it all to him.

Also, I'll tune in next week to tell you how God's working in our community and through us to help others.

If you're interested on how it went last month, simply look below :)

Until next week,

Emma Jane

Romans 5:3-5

Road Full of Blessings

Last Sunday afternoon was unlike any other Sunday afternoon. Yes, the sun still shone, and the clouds still lined the sky in their majestic beauty. However, on this particular Sunday afternoon, I was blessed to go with the First United Methodist Church to Fort Worth to feed and help clothe the homeless. It's a program at their church called "taking it to the streets". To the streets did we go. We set up tables in the grass, full of clothes, organized by size and gender. Anyone was allowed to come through our piles and search for what he or she needed. We also had a separate line so the people could receive a hot meal.
 (tables full of volunteers helping)

Seeing everyone here broke (but opened) my heart, and it had me thinking. There's a song called In Need by Ross king  and the last line says "I am your child, I am in Need". We see these people on the streets, needing clothes and food, and it's very clear to see what their needs are. However, we are all in need of something. And we are all children of God. Whether it be needing prayers, love, or a lot more Jesus in our hearts, there's always something. Although we are in need of something, we need to be willing to be a servant of God because it's what we're called to do as His child. It may not always be pretty or pleasant (ergo my sunburn), but working selflessly for others is what having a heart for others and a heart full of Jesus is all about! I aspire to be someone who has a heart full of Jesus and a person who shows love to everyone around them all of the time. (sadly, I fail daily) Sunday afternoon, my heart was full of compassion for the people surrounding me, even though they were complete strangers. It's a hard feeling to describe, but pure joy and love coursed through my veins.

On top of that, I realized that we are extremely blessed. We're blessed to serve a God who gives us a heart to serve others. We're blessed with people who set up these pop-up meals and pop-up clothing lines for the sole purpose of helping someone else. I feel as though I'm extremely blessed with a house, and a bed to sleep in every single night. There's food on my table and I have two parents who love me a lot. With all of these blessings, how can you not want to share part of your time with people who don't have as many as we do?

Talking to the people we were serving was really interesting. Society views these people on the streets as "objects" or "lazy people who don't have it together". However, that's not the case at all. I got to talk to some of the people there, and they're all full of life. Each one has a story, an opinion, and something to say. They also have jobs, or apply for jobs, and go to interviews. Maybe not all of them, but most of them.

We went around, asking to take their pictures, and the first few declined, leaving us a little deflated. However, as the afternoon went on, more and more people saw what we were doing and happily wanted to be a model for us. I don't feel as though many typical people prefer getting up close and personal with the people who need it the most. However, why not? We're all children of God and we're called to serve. I don't know if that many people out there realized who Jesus is, but I hope they saw him shine through all of us for those few hours.

(This was one of the bricks in the public park where this took place & we found it very symbolic)

(Johnny and Cotton manning the men's line)

(picnic benches where people were able to eat)

We didn't even have to ask this man if we could take a picture, he just saw us and instantly smiled widely :)

"Hold on, let me fix my hair all up"

Photo Creds: Carolyn Jimenez 
Instagram: cmj_photography_ 

An Empty House

I came home to an empty house for the first time in a while. I don't think anyone understands that even though a house is empty, it is still alive. I sit and listen to the hands of our clock tick on by, never stopping. The air conditioner comes on as a ritual to cool down our alive house, while the cats decide to dominate the dog bed as the dogs are strategically outside still. The house is not empty, it's a home full of un-noticed life. Nothing stops moving when we leave it, however our presence is just abset for the current moment.

As I fill out college applications, register for the ACT, and send my SAT scores away to different colleges, it had me thinking. When I go off to college, the house will still be alive. My family will still live, breathe, sleep, eat, and love inside this house. Inside our home. However, my presence will just be absent from our family portrait. This year will be the year of "lasts".  A few coming up are the "last first day of high school", and the "last first home football game".

It's not like I've never done the whole "last this" and "last that" thing before, because trust me-I have. This time I feel like there's so much more to lose. Before, I was alone in my journey of the "last" epidemic. My friends were staying in the same town as I was leaving. There's no comfort in knowing you're about to start over by yourself. This year is so much different because every single "crew date" is so special to me. All of us will split off and take off for the next chapter in our lives after this year ends. However, we're all going to have one another while doing it.

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through college without Emily's smiling face and wonderful listening ears, Abel's constant joyful attitude full of jokes (and the drinks he brings), Carolyn's tenderness, grace, and love for Jesus, and Bri's consistent ability to be the cutest and sweetest person alive (who also loves Harry potter as much as I do). Also, I'll have to make it through without Austin's confidence in who he is (which also rubs off on the rest of us) and his passionate love for this "family". I can't imagine not being around Faith's angelic qualities and wonderful baking skills, Harman's love for his truck and everyone around him, and Johnny's passion for band, soccer, and his family. I'm starting to sound extremely sappy, but not being able to be around Karla and her sarcastic comments, love for bad puns, good advice, and extremely great music taste, will be difficult. Also, she's always there for me, even when I'm irrational. There's 16 of us in the group chat (as of now), and  I would rather not physically leave Sarhai and her bluntness, joy, and the way she cares about everyone in her own special way. I'll miss seeing her and Abel "fight" every time we're together, as well as Spencer and his way of nonchalantly loving the people in this group.

Today was Spencer's birthday and we all hung out. With his personality, I'd say it's safe to assume that he enjoyed himself at least a little bit. College will also be hard without Patty because Patty will always have such a special place in my heart. He's the most lovable human being who plays guitar, sings, and never fails to keep me smiling. Weston has the same birthday as Patty, which is cool, but college will be difficult without his sweetness and enthusiasm he has for each one of us. Having him in crew makes sense, because he's full of love. Tyler is someone else in crew who you wanna have around forever, because he gives the best hugs and lets you know you're loved. I honestly love every single one of these human beings so much, and I also love Jaycee. She moved, but she'll always be apart of squad. She's got the voice of an angel and a heart of gold. My heart is full when she's around, especially when she sings. I'll miss her "lyric stealing", passion for Christ, and all the deep conversations that flow so naturally with her.

In summary: this group is full of love. Also, this time around, I won't have to face the "lasts" of this year alone. It's a nice change. I can't imagine starting senior year off with a better group of people. We're a family and I wouldn't have it any other way. We might not all get along all the time (who does?), but I'm forever so blessed to know each one of these people and to have a God who put them all in my life.

my heart is full of love,

Emma Jane

The Raw Truth

I just got back from my third week of the summer spent at Camp Lone Star. This last week was probably one of the best ones out of all of the years that I've been going. I'm not sure if it was the immediate way all of the girls just seemed to click together like a machine, or the way that the boys took care of all of us so well, or the theme in general. (It was Truth Revealed). However, whatever the reason, I couldn't have come out of that experience feeling any better than I do right now. 

Every year I learn something new about myself, my God, and the world. 

This year, I learned that I hold onto an identity, like most of the people around me do. Your identity is what  you define yourself as, whether it's an athlete, scholar, beach bum, girlfriend, boyfriend, introvert, extrovert, or even mom. Whatever it may be, it's something that most people put before our God. If He took that away from you, would you still be okay? Our true identity is "Child of God". That's it. Quite frankly, it's all we really need. It's a hard concept to grasp, but once you realize that you're a child of God, everything else comes from there. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in all of the uncertainties in life that we forget the only ONE TRUE certainty. I am a CHILD OF GOD and I'm certain. The worries wash away when we know that we can place all of our faith into our Father in heaven who looks out for us. The plans get fuzzy, but he remains the same when we don't. 

I learned a few things about our God at camp. I learned that if we keep placing this identity above Him, He'll let us do it. Romans 1:24 says "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." So yeah, he'll GIVE YOU OVER TO YOUR SINFUL DESIRES! It's scary to think about. Usually themes like True Peace or Real Grace make you feel so warm and fuzzy when you walk out of camp; but as I saw everything that I had laid down at the cross that week, I felt convicted. It's terrifying to think that we hold these identities above the one who CREATED US. Then again, just because you see yourself as an athlete and that's it, doesn't mean you should go and quit sports to be a Child of God. You can be a child of God and someone who plays sports simultaneously. 

There are always things to learn about the world. I learn a lot about the people in it especially. There are certain people to protect your heart from. And by "certain", I mean ALL. Being a teenage girl, I gotta watch out for boys. At camp, we call the ones who don't love God, and who you won't end up marrying, "dumb dumbs". Because let's face it, the whole point of dating is to try to find someone to marry, and boys who can't even commit to a relationship probably won't be ready to commit to a marriage for a very very long time- therefore making them "dumb dumbs". And man, is this world full of them. I'm not saying that girls cannot be "dumb dumbs" either, because we can be snakes. However, I learned that so often, we appreciate being pursued by someone SO much that we expect them to be committed as well. As it turns out, being pursued (does not) equal commitment. (I learned this through quotes from a book titled Captivating by Stasi Eldridge). Therefore, you cannot force someone to commit. Also, "I love you" doesn't always mean "I'm committed to you" either. Those three words are said too often and hardly said with sincerity. Love? God is Love. Love is patient and Kind. Love does not envy or boast. "I love you" should promise commitment, but people in this world have twisted Love to mean all sorts of things. Also, I have learned that this world teaches us to believe that all of those twisted things are "okay". Ummmm excuse me? "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy or boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)  LOVE is NOT this feeling of not being good enough, or this feeling where we feel like we need constant approval. Love isn't toxic for your mind, loving someone shouldn't have you placing them on a higher pedestal than your GOD. And if we're talking about truth, the last person that I loved (so much!) was put on a higher place in my heart than my God. I looked for some approval from someone who would fail me INSTEAD of looking for peace in a God who NEVER fails. 

It takes being extremely honest with yourself to realize that too- about yourself and the world we live in. I cannot be the only one here who's ever put a person, place, thing, or even idea above God. Because it's easy. It's tangible. But our God challenges us to love Him above all things and to place our true identity in Him, our one true King. The truth was so revealed to me this week, and I'll be forever changed. I don't know what the future holds, but I am a Child of God and SO proud of it. 

Until next time, 

EmmA Jane 

Romans 5:3-5

1 Corinthians 13:4

James 1:12 

Songs for the week:

Come As You Are- Crowder 

O Come to the Altar- Elevation Worship