An Empty House

I came home to an empty house for the first time in a while. I don't think anyone understands that even though a house is empty, it is still alive. I sit and listen to the hands of our clock tick on by, never stopping. The air conditioner comes on as a ritual to cool down our alive house, while the cats decide to dominate the dog bed as the dogs are strategically outside still. The house is not empty, it's a home full of un-noticed life. Nothing stops moving when we leave it, however our presence is just abset for the current moment.

As I fill out college applications, register for the ACT, and send my SAT scores away to different colleges, it had me thinking. When I go off to college, the house will still be alive. My family will still live, breathe, sleep, eat, and love inside this house. Inside our home. However, my presence will just be absent from our family portrait. This year will be the year of "lasts".  A few coming up are the "last first day of high school", and the "last first home football game".

It's not like I've never done the whole "last this" and "last that" thing before, because trust me-I have. This time I feel like there's so much more to lose. Before, I was alone in my journey of the "last" epidemic. My friends were staying in the same town as I was leaving. There's no comfort in knowing you're about to start over by yourself. This year is so much different because every single "crew date" is so special to me. All of us will split off and take off for the next chapter in our lives after this year ends. However, we're all going to have one another while doing it.

I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through college without Emily's smiling face and wonderful listening ears, Abel's constant joyful attitude full of jokes (and the drinks he brings), Carolyn's tenderness, grace, and love for Jesus, and Bri's consistent ability to be the cutest and sweetest person alive (who also loves Harry potter as much as I do). Also, I'll have to make it through without Austin's confidence in who he is (which also rubs off on the rest of us) and his passionate love for this "family". I can't imagine not being around Faith's angelic qualities and wonderful baking skills, Harman's love for his truck and everyone around him, and Johnny's passion for band, soccer, and his family. I'm starting to sound extremely sappy, but not being able to be around Karla and her sarcastic comments, love for bad puns, good advice, and extremely great music taste, will be difficult. Also, she's always there for me, even when I'm irrational. There's 16 of us in the group chat (as of now), and  I would rather not physically leave Sarhai and her bluntness, joy, and the way she cares about everyone in her own special way. I'll miss seeing her and Abel "fight" every time we're together, as well as Spencer and his way of nonchalantly loving the people in this group.

Today was Spencer's birthday and we all hung out. With his personality, I'd say it's safe to assume that he enjoyed himself at least a little bit. College will also be hard without Patty because Patty will always have such a special place in my heart. He's the most lovable human being who plays guitar, sings, and never fails to keep me smiling. Weston has the same birthday as Patty, which is cool, but college will be difficult without his sweetness and enthusiasm he has for each one of us. Having him in crew makes sense, because he's full of love. Tyler is someone else in crew who you wanna have around forever, because he gives the best hugs and lets you know you're loved. I honestly love every single one of these human beings so much, and I also love Jaycee. She moved, but she'll always be apart of squad. She's got the voice of an angel and a heart of gold. My heart is full when she's around, especially when she sings. I'll miss her "lyric stealing", passion for Christ, and all the deep conversations that flow so naturally with her.

In summary: this group is full of love. Also, this time around, I won't have to face the "lasts" of this year alone. It's a nice change. I can't imagine starting senior year off with a better group of people. We're a family and I wouldn't have it any other way. We might not all get along all the time (who does?), but I'm forever so blessed to know each one of these people and to have a God who put them all in my life.

my heart is full of love,

Emma Jane