False Expectations

As women, we are really good at compartmentalizing sections in our lives, and multitasking all of them. This applies to men as well. As a single woman, I've noticed that I have certain guys in my life to perform specific tasks. I have one that I can call when my car breaks down, another who will come and pick me up if I need something or someone to talk to, and the one that I want to help fix my heart. I assign these roles pretty subconsciously, to where the guy may not even know he's fulfilling that role in my mind. And that, my friends, is where it gets dangerous.

With roles come expectations. And if the other party is not aware of these expectations, usually I am the one who gets hurt. My brain goes "but you're my ______ person so you have to do ______". This mentality is how I believe that I get stuck in emotionally compromising situations, romantically and with friendships. Romantically, I see a guy that I want, so I share some of my heart with him, and he generally listens. Then, without defining any sort of relationship, the guy answers back with pieces of his heart. This moment is when the expectations are set. That person becomes my: "share your feelings with him" person.  With friendships, it pretty much works the same way. I get disappointed if someone doesn't fulfill their role in my life that I've set for them, even if they don't know what that role is. Therefore, it's not fair to them for me to be angry or upset. However, I still do. I tell myself that they were my person for emotional support, physical comfort, car help, etc. or sometimes it's all of the above.

This little thing that (probably most) women do is one of our superpowers but also one of our destroyers. It's a superpower because women are wired to connect with other humans. We are so plugged into other people and we're honestly pretty good at making conversations flow and helping people feel at home in any situation. We crave deep conversations and that vulnerability from the men in our lives. However, doing this destroys us because we set up unrealistic expectations, and we end up craving attention that doesn't even belong to us. As connectors, we crave that praise as well. I would love for someone to come up to me and tell me that they felt at home when they're around me, you know? Women crave those words of affirmation that they're doing their natural abilities correctly.

However, at the end of the day, it's nobody's job to tell me that I'm doing a good job. And our validation as women comes from the Lord who formed us in His image. He created us in our mother's womb, and no set of false expectations could take that away. We have a God who never lets us down and always does what he says he's going to do. I'm blessed to know where I stand with God. It's simple. He sent his son to die on a cross to pay for all of my sins. And even though I screw up on the daily, He loves me anyway.

If you need encouragement tonight, rest in the truth that your God loves you, even when you mess up. And he is a God with no false expectations. We as women cannot screw that relationship up, no matter how hard we try.

Thanks for staying on this wild journey with me Y'all.

Emma Jane

p.s. I know I said I was reading Single. Dating. Engaged. Married.... and I STILL AM!! (It's just taking a while.)