gas money

psa: the title doesn't mean anything important so keep reading

Well, most days I come up with an entire blog post in my head, and forget to write it down. Today is one of those days. The last few days have had me feeling emotions way too strongly, and I've enjoyed it in some cases, but hated myself in others. I'll start with the hate side of this. Recently, I was fully taken advantage of emotionally . And you may ask how, but that's beside the point. (P.s) If you know anything about me, I never cry. However, this instance had me bawling. Is it fair? No. But somehow I haven't been able to drop it. I'm tired of feeling like this, and maybe an apology would suffice as to being the first step into healing, but I'm aware that I'm not going to receive one. I've done it before, forgiving without any real apology. However, it took six months. I don't know if I have it in me to forgive the one who made me feel this way, but I'm going to work on trying. Sometimes I like to imagine what the apology would sound like, or even if they would bring a few flowers to show that they're sorry. But honestly all I need are some genuine words. My mother (a pretty wise woman) told me that maybe God keeps putting these people in our/my lives/life to  make this whole forgiving thing easier. It took me about 5-6 months the first time, maybe I can narrow it down to 3-4 the next. Maybe, just maybe, this will get easier. Maybe the pain I'm feeling will rub off sooner, letting me live my life for myself, and not in the bondage of someone's way that they've treated me. I'm not sure if the feeling of being trapped ever has a way of disappearing, or if I'll get strong enough to break out of the web of the scathing previous lies. Either way, eventually things will get better, including my hurting heart.

I hope that if you're needing to forgive someone, just know to take the days one at a time. It will come in due time. Have a blessed week :)