A Thanksgiving for the Books

Honestly, I've got to mark down tonight as one to go in the record books. Our squad/ crew had an early Thanksgiving, and honestly I'm still smiling. People haven't been in my house for over an hour, but I can't shake off the feeling of being surrounded by people who I care about and know care about me. Not to mention, the food was phenomenal and I ate whatever I wanted :) Also, did I mention that I was also wearing pj's? Because that was really rad.

However, for so long, and still, anxiety runs my life. Tonight, a bunch of people were lying vertically on my bed and I decided to lay across them, like superman almost.. but the thoughts crossed my mind, "what if I'm too heavy? What if they think I'm a weirdo? What if they reject who I am? What if they don't like the real me/ the unplugged version?" Quite frankly, I'm used to those feelings because they constantly happen every day. That's who I am. Feeling as though you're never "good enough" or "skinny enough" or "strong enough" or "pretty enough". Tonight, they were constantly streaming through my mind, but I think tonight was so great because I got to be myself and try to ignore them as best as possible. It's easier when you know you're surrounded by love.

What touched me though about tonight, is that everyone gathered in a circle, and I said grace before eating. Something that usually terrifies me, but with this group of people, it came very easy. I hate to say it, but these people make me incredibly happy. And if this feeling ever goes away, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. As I said before, everyone has something special about them, and when we're together- it's shown so well. These people are honestly a gift from God, because I'm not sure where I'd be without their consant joy that they bring into my life. I know I'm very repetitive, but it's this pure happiness that drives me.

Overall, it was a Thanksgiving that belongs in the books. Spending time with so much light in my life should be illegal because I got to throw my head back and laugh, the real kind. I got to see how much the people here tonight care about one another. I got to experience fellowship. I got to show people my dart throwing skills (which shouldn't go down in the books). I also got to smile, widely. The kind of smiling that I'm trying to write more about. It may not happen very often, but when it does, it's kinda a big deal.

You know what's also a big deal? Jesus! I'm so grateful that he's put these people in my life for me to love. I'm also blessed to have most of our squad love Him, the One True King.

My entry was not organized, whatsoever. I apologize, but I'm not gonna apologize for my sheer happiness. Today I didn't learn anything except to try to shut up the thoughts in my head. Everyone faces them, no matter how loud they are and how much of an impact they have in your life. Remember that it's okay to be happy. It's okay to have a great day. It's okay to surround yourself with the people that you care about a ton.

Anyway, have a great week.

or until I write again

Emma Jane :)

Happy.

So I'm going to try something new: writing when life is going well. Maybe I'll start off by bragging about the coolest group of friends I've had in awhile. There’s eleven of us, and we call ourselves the “crew” or “squad”. Very original, I know. Each person in our group has something uniquely amazing that contributes to the big group of us. Some of them are funny and good at telling jokes, others are great at having deep conversations with you, and some of them know how to make anyone smile. Lots of them, however, have all of these qualities. Overall- most of them love Jesus. This constitutes to a very happy Emma and someone who enjoys what's going on around her. I didn't realize how much of an impact these people would make on my life, but honestly- it's one of the best groups I've had the blessing to be a part of.

Happiness; the whole consept used to scare me honestly. I've gotten used to it now though, this settling fact that I'm enjoying my life and the people in it. Someone that I care about, from our crew, once told me "...think about how it's good now and things are different and that's why you're happy." And honestly, the've got a point. I don't think I'd ever looked at life that way, considering i'm a pessimist. Things might be different for me, but isn't that a good thing? I was so full of the unhappiness in the past, resulting in it swallowing me up that I forgot to see that when things change, it's sometimes good. Anyways, this is a new thing. There are no lessons learned, or any amazing revelations revealed today, because right now I'm...Happy:)

Things I'm thankful for:
1. Family dinners
2. squad/ crew members
3. Grandparents
4. good music
5. the window that opens when doors close
6. (is putting "food" on here terrible? I enjoy eating, sorry)
7. friends 200 miles away
8. friends 900+ miles away


Sidenote: Has anyone seen Spectre yet? Also, listen to the song "Great Are You Lord" by All Sons & Daughters. I love it super much.

-Emma Jane
Romans 5:3-5
Romans 8: 28

just a few more words

I know I previously claimed that I had run out of words. And I cannot promise that these will mean anything, however I had a symbolic dream and it made me think a little. I had to share with someone, obviously.

In the dream, it was late at night and I was on a one way street. However, I was going the wrong way. Danger, right? Sadly enough, I couldn't stop. That one road was the only one taking me to where I needed to go. Where did I need to go? Who knows. Why was I going? I also don't know. But just fathom this: I was on the RIGHT road, going the WRONG way, and it was the only way to go. Sometimes, in life, bad things happen. Am I right? You're going to make poor decisions, that's a no-brainer. So what can you do? You run with it. Sometimes those bad decisions you make or the crummy stuff that happens to you build character- and the end product is a pretty nice one. All the things that happen begin to lead you to where you need to go.

I don't know where my life is headed honestly. Personally, I don't think I'm supposed to. I know that I've gone the "wrong way" a few times, but I also learned so greatly from it all. I believe I needed those things to happen to me in order to keep me going, and to give me some purpose in this life. I mean, what's this dish of life without a little flavor? What road are you on? Is it the wrong one? Is it the one that you think is right?


sorry for all the questions
much love,
Emma Jane

late night thoughts on pain

Lately here, I feel as though I have completely ran out of words to say. I've had lots of lyrics hit home, but finding words of my own? That's where the hard part comes in. I think it's appropriate to talk about pain. It's something very present in the lives of everyone. Pain is something that cannot be avoided, to any degree. Trying to control how you're feeling is also very pointless considering you just can't. (Imagine trying to keep the rain from falling. Impossible, right?) The amount of pain you're feeling shouldn't have to be validated by anyone else either. IF YOU'RE HURTING, IT'S OKAY. I don't care if you broke your phone screen, or someone broke your heart. Each experience still hurts us no matter what. Maybe I just say all of this because I'm a pessimist, but pain is very real and very unavoidable (Is that even a word?). Sometimes you gotta realize that you have very valid feelings and it's okay to be in this state where everything hurts. If you don't feel like getting out of bed today, that's okay. If the pain is so bad and the only thing you did today was to continue breathing, someone is proud of you. I'm proud of you. If we skirt around this idea that pain is only for the movies or your pain isn't important, trust me when I say: if you tell someone, they'll listen. Some people give worse advice than others, so choose wisely. You know what's always a good idea? A school counselor (Officially). But in reality, they can be pretty scary sometimes. I'd like to think that confiding in any close friend(s) is the way to go. IF they're really your friends, they'll be there to help you through your pain, because chances are: They're probably carrying around some of their own as well. Painful experiences become to feel like bricks on your back, and if you don't let them off, you're going to fall over.

That's all I've got.
Much love
& you're always gonna be okay
1 John 4:19

"I ran away from You"

"Oh lord, I'm ready now
All the walls are down
Time is running out
And I wanna make this count
I ran away from you
And did what I wanted to
But I don't wanna let you down"

(These are lyrics from "Lord I'm Ready Now" by Plumb.)

You know what really sticks out to me? The lyrics "I ran away from you and did what I wanted to". In my opinion, there's so much truth to that one statement. How many of us decide that what we want to do or what we feel like doing is completely fine? Even though, in the back of our minds, we know that the Bible is totally against it. Trust me, I'm a victim of running far away from Christ and not listening to what Jesus has to say.

I think trying to be that "Perfect Christian" is really hard. Really, who is? You can't be perfect all the time, or any of the time for that matter. Then again, don't use that as an excuse to purposely make terrible choices. Your mentality shouldn't be "I'm not perfect, so why even bother trying?" Well, I'll tell you something. We weren't created to be perfect (obviously), but we were created to honor our Creator, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Let's talk about Honor. What does it mean to honor someone? Well, if  you click Here , You can get the dictionary definition of what the word actually is presented as. Buttttttt what do you think it means? We were created to HONOR someone and I feel like the word could be used to describe a king. Then again, the Creator is our King above all Kings as well. How do you treat a king? Do you ignore all the proclaims that he makes? Do you pretend he's not real? Do you pretend he's not the one who makes the laws? (Are these sounding like crazy suggestions yet?)

The answer is NO! You treat a king with respect, you can't ignore him, you know he's real, and you follow the laws that he makes. (We in the U.S don't have a king obviously, so use your imagination). Anyways, why do we treat Jesus any differently than we would a king? Why SHOULD we treat Jesus differently? Well, we actually should in some aspects, whoops. Sorry to confuse you. A king is just a human, fully flawed. Our God? He's not. He's the perfect one, creating a bunch of screw ups like you and me. If being called a "screw up" is offending, whoops.

We run away from Him daily, it's true. Never doubt that he's run away from you- because trust me, he hasn't. He's got your back even when you can't seem to even fathom that he's got yours. Faith isn't an obligation, and you're also not obligated to be a perfect little robot.

"I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." (John 10:11) 

"Yet you are near, Lord, and all your commands are true." (Pslam 119:151) 

"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."
(2 Corinthians 3:18)

"Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you." (Jeremiah 32:17) 


Have a good day (:

Just a little something about Grace

As a girl, doing my hair is quite a normal thing. More than once have I burned myself with a straightener or a curling iron. You know what? I still pick that thing up and keep using it. I'm sure you do too. Why though? It hurt me, so shouldn't I stop using it all together? (Sounds like crazy reasoning, right?) Well, we do the same thing to other people. When people hurt us, we shut down and shut them out. They hurt us, so we should just carry that grudge against them, right? *Loud Air Horn/ Buzzer noise* That's where we're all wrong! The easiest (and one of the worst) things in this world to do is hold something over somebody. Trust me, I'm guilty too.

You see though, God doesn't hold grudges. We would all be completely screwed if that were the case. I fail Him daily, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. Grace is given to us by God, even though we mess up constantly.

 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:8-10 

(http://biblehub.com/niv/ephesians/2.htm)

Since we've been saved by this grace, can we not give grace to other people? Have you ever been incredibly mad at someone? OR incredibly hurt by somebody? I have. It's not fun at all. You know what I've never thought about until recently? (Thanks Camp Lone Star)  Jesus died for that person too. He died for me. He died for you. He died for the person who hurt you. Why should we not forgive those people/ that person who hurt/ made you angry? Yes, I know it's hard. Things like forgiving others don't come as fast as we'd like. One step at a time. Pray for those who hurt you. Pray for the people that make you angry. See what it does to your life. God created us in his image and to be like him. That includes forgiveness. No matter how deep the wound, God can work through you to forgive that other person. Whatever you're going through, you can do it. 

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

(https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+12)

Deferred Gratification

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:13

This has been sticking out to me the entire day. I don't know why exactly. I feel like it's reassuring that God has everything in control. He's the one  "who works in YOU to will and to ACT in order to fulfill HIS good purpose." It's more fun when read like that, right?

Lately, I've been thinking a whole lot about deferred gratification.  Now, people might ask what that means. It doesn't matter (well, it does a little) what It means to me, but what does that phrase mean to you? Defer means to put off, right? And Gratification is "pleasure, especially when gained from the

satisfaction of a desire." (I had to look that one up to get it exactly right). Basically, it means to put

off this pleasure of our personal desires. If you've seen the Harry Potter movies, the mirror of Erised shows anyone who looks into it their greatest desire. Our biggest desire as Christians should be to live

a life that's pleasing to Our Lord and Savior.

Now, I'm not saying that we're all so good at that, but I pair the word "desire" with "sexual desires". Aye, now we've got something to talk about, right? It's so so so easy to fall into this temptation as a hormone-driven teenager. Constantly I have to remind myself of deferred gratification. The more I wait on the temptations, the more I'm going to be able to give to my future Husband. Make sense? Sort of?

Basically, I want to give every single part of myself to my future husband because God has already

picked him out. The more I give myself away to temporary people, the less I have to give the (already

God-Chosen) man. We have to guard ourselves from the people who only want us for our bodies, and

not as people to strengthen our faith. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, but if you're not

happy or praising Jesus in everything that you do- maybe evaluate your life and sort out your priorities.

Personally, I've done a crummy job at putting Jesus first in my life. I think it's time to spend less time on

Twitter and more time in my Bible. Anyways, as random and sporadic as that was, I hope it made you

think at least a little bit. Have a great week:)

Emma Jane