A Thanksgiving for the Books

Honestly, I've got to mark down tonight as one to go in the record books. Our squad/ crew had an early Thanksgiving, and honestly I'm still smiling. People haven't been in my house for over an hour, but I can't shake off the feeling of being surrounded by people who I care about and know care about me. Not to mention, the food was phenomenal and I ate whatever I wanted :) Also, did I mention that I was also wearing pj's? Because that was really rad.

However, for so long, and still, anxiety runs my life. Tonight, a bunch of people were lying vertically on my bed and I decided to lay across them, like superman almost.. but the thoughts crossed my mind, "what if I'm too heavy? What if they think I'm a weirdo? What if they reject who I am? What if they don't like the real me/ the unplugged version?" Quite frankly, I'm used to those feelings because they constantly happen every day. That's who I am. Feeling as though you're never "good enough" or "skinny enough" or "strong enough" or "pretty enough". Tonight, they were constantly streaming through my mind, but I think tonight was so great because I got to be myself and try to ignore them as best as possible. It's easier when you know you're surrounded by love.

What touched me though about tonight, is that everyone gathered in a circle, and I said grace before eating. Something that usually terrifies me, but with this group of people, it came very easy. I hate to say it, but these people make me incredibly happy. And if this feeling ever goes away, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. As I said before, everyone has something special about them, and when we're together- it's shown so well. These people are honestly a gift from God, because I'm not sure where I'd be without their consant joy that they bring into my life. I know I'm very repetitive, but it's this pure happiness that drives me.

Overall, it was a Thanksgiving that belongs in the books. Spending time with so much light in my life should be illegal because I got to throw my head back and laugh, the real kind. I got to see how much the people here tonight care about one another. I got to experience fellowship. I got to show people my dart throwing skills (which shouldn't go down in the books). I also got to smile, widely. The kind of smiling that I'm trying to write more about. It may not happen very often, but when it does, it's kinda a big deal.

You know what's also a big deal? Jesus! I'm so grateful that he's put these people in my life for me to love. I'm also blessed to have most of our squad love Him, the One True King.

My entry was not organized, whatsoever. I apologize, but I'm not gonna apologize for my sheer happiness. Today I didn't learn anything except to try to shut up the thoughts in my head. Everyone faces them, no matter how loud they are and how much of an impact they have in your life. Remember that it's okay to be happy. It's okay to have a great day. It's okay to surround yourself with the people that you care about a ton.

Anyway, have a great week.

or until I write again

Emma Jane :)