Hiding

When I was a child, whenever I felt that someone was upset with me, I would find a very small space and hide in it. Usually this place was a closet. I would sit and wait until someone came to make sure that I was okay, and sometimes nobody did. I believe that the hiding still happens, but in an electronic sense. I leave group chats, and isolate myself in my mind, believing that nobody could care about me in that moment. I believe that the action of hiding in a closet should have been a red flag for the diagnosis of Anxiety. However, I did not know until years later that it had a proper name. I think that I had assumed that every child hides in closets and gets irrationally upset over the smallest things. Looking back, I wish the rational part of my brain would have handled the overwhelming emotions slightly better.

Although I wasn't able to handle my emotions as a child (and still hardly can't), the Bible lets me know that I'm not alone. In the story of Adam and Eve, after they had listened to the serpent and eaten the forbidden fruit, God calls out to them. And what do they do? They hide. (smh, right?) We look at that and start to get our judgemental faces on. ("how could they hide from God?") Well, this is coming from a girl who used to find safety in a closet, so...I'm here to tell you, it's starting to make much more sense. God does find them, and punishes them for deliberately disobeying Him. He punishes future generations, because this is when sin had entered the world.

I'd like to think that we each have our own serpent, tempting us with whatever we struggle the most with. Whether it be the need to feel important and validated, control, power, comfort, alcohol, sexual temptation, or whatever it is, we all have one (or a few). And what do we try to do? Hide from God. If you have not experienced this, I'm here to tell you that it truly sucks. Sometimes when we choose to listen to the serpent, we have to ignore God. I have always had this overwhelming flight instinct when determining if I should fight or flight at something, and I tend to fly from the thing that is the very best for me, or the people that care about me the most. Is it healthy? Of course not. Is it something that I've been working on for years? Yes. Whether it be an actual closet, electronic isolation, or in Adam and Eve's case- physically hiding, God will always find us.

I'm blessed with parents who usually come find me, and very blessed with friends who run after me when I'm feeling unloved. BUT most of all we're ALL blessed with a GOD who will ALWAYS find us. Even though Adam and Eve were kicked out of paradise, they were never forgotten about by their creator. And we aren't either. No matter how many times we hide.