questions.

About a year ago, I would have never believed that I am where I am right now. About a year ago, I was wrapped up in something that wasn't healthy for me at all, but I didn't care. About a year ago, I wasn't good with boundaries. I fell in love, wore my entire heart on my sleeve, and didn't care about the consequences one bit. Man, I'm glad that's over. It wasn't an easy task though- pulling my heart off of my sleeve. Being one of the most painful things i've had to do, I let what wasn't good for me go and pulled my heart back up to my chest where it belonged. For a year now, it's stayed there. Buried. All of the parts of myself that the one person knew about me, those are going to be buried with him in his grave, because I fear that nobody will see them again. I've become so good at setting emotional boundaries, that I don't know how to stop. They say that once you're hurt bad enough, you're changed into someone who stops showing who they truly are, but I don't think that's happened to me yet. I think I have become less of who I used to be, and that's okay. However, the inspiration for this post hit when my mom told me to make sure I can find the part of myself who is open again. She said to make sure I get passed surface level conversations with someone I'm remotely interested in. However, at this point, I don't know how. Last time I opened up, I got beyond hurt by it. There's a remarkable thing where balance is concerned, and I don't think I've found it yet. It's been all of me or none. Don't get me wrong, guys usually know what books I like or what I love to eat, but it's been about a year where someone has truly known who I am as a person. I don't know if that's a sad fact of the matter, or a positive thing to put hope in. Either way, it is what it is and I don't know what to expect for the future. God says to guard your heart...but to what extent? Is my heart guarded or closed?


Emma Jane

Gig 'em