In Response

Whether it was sitting under the stars, singing songs to Jesus or out in the hot sun, doing work projects, something this summer was engraved into my brain. It was that we so often place our self-worth and our identity in earthly things such as grades, family, friends, band, cheer, sports, hobbies and who we have been loved or hurt by... we take these earthly things and let them consume us, making them who we are. When asked "Who are you?" we respond "Well I'm in band, I'm number __ in my class, and I am in a relationship with whoever..." and these things are apparently who we ARE. As humans, we place our identity within these things, and it's very sad to see. 

Within my senior class, it's especially real right now. I see so much "What's your class rank?" and the either pleasure or disappointment when you tell the other person the number. I am number 11, but I don't care. It sounds harsh, but hear me out. Lately I've observed peers who consider their class rank the same thing as their persona. "I am a NUMBER BLANK" is what it comes across as. It's pretty 2D, don't you think? There's so much more to a person than whatever rank in the class they are, and they're capable of anything regardless of what that is. Number 100 in the class is able to be a doctor, just as much as number 1. And no, class rank does not determine the work ethic of others.

Growing up, there was never a heavy emphasis on my grades. Until last year, I considered myself pretty intelligent. My parents instilled the value that I was to try my best, and if my best was a C on a test that I had been studying for all week, then so be it. I remember one instance in the 8th grade where a vocab test asked me to pick all of the opposite answers, and I picked all of the right ones instead- earning me a 50. I brought it home to my dad, upset with myself, and he simply picked up the paper and laughed at it. He let me know that it was okay to make that mistake, and he wasn't upset. It has always been like this in my family, and I cannot imagine it being any different. I am looked upon by my efforts from my family, and not the results. 

However, lately, I have felt very unintelligent because of my class rank. I am not in the "top 10" in my class, but I am merely one off. I am 11. And that has been perceived as not good enough. People do not question the fact that I wish to pursue a degree in education and be a teacher, because I am number 11.  If I was number 3, I would be asked why I have not chosen to be a lawyer or a doctor, or something that is worth my obvious educational standards. 

This breaks my heart. It breaks my spirit knowing that my identity to others is found in my educational success or failure, and that I am slowly starting to believe the lies that have been drilled into my head by my peers and by my education system. 

At camp, under the stars and sweat, I learned something extremely important. I am a child of God. My identity, in the world of things that actually matter, is in the fact that my Savior DIED for me on a cross and that he is coming again one day. I am a CHILD OF GOD. And that is it. I am a CHILD OF GOD who plays in the band. I am a CHILD OF GOD who happens to be number 11 in the class. I am a CHILD OF GOD who has been hurt many times. And I am a CHILD OF GOD who will not put her identity in the pure number given to me by a piece of paper and by those who worship that piece of paper. 

For those who do find themselves consumed with their earthly possessions/ accomplishments and making them a part of who you are, I will keep praying that you find the love of Christ Jesus within your soul. He is greater than these earthly things and earthly numbers that we so often dwell on. 

Much love, 

Emma Jane